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Early in my Tarot journey I learned two things. First, the best way to learn a card is to live it. Second, stories and songs can help you understand tarot cards more deeply and remember them better. 

I used both principles to learn the nature of the reversed Queen of Cups.

I started teaching myself tarot as a high school sophomore. I practiced daily, laying out cards and reading their meanings. Soon, I noticed how often they reflected my internal and external experiences. The reversed Queen of Cups, in particular, came up frequently. 

Eagerly, I began reading about this tarot card. I learned that this queen was very empathetic and extremely connected to the people, animals, and plants around her. Yes, this was much like me! As I took more notes and continued to compare personal readings with my emotional states, the pattern became more clear. 

I learned that the reversed Queen of Cups signaled an emotionally difficult state in which I desperately wanted something from someone who could not give it to me. During these periods, I got despondent and obsessive. I couldn’t seem to free myself from ugly recurring thought patterns, and I struggled to make myself happy.

During one especially hard time, I found myself listening to the radio. Suddenly, I felt a shock of recognition as a woman’s voice sang out:

Blood and Fire

Are too much for these restless arms to hold.

And my nights of desire are calling me,

Back to your fold.

And I am calling you, calling you from 10,000 miles away

Won’t you wet my fire with your love, babe?  

I am looking for someone who can take as much as I give,

Gonna give back as much as I need,

And still have the will to live.

I am intense, I am in need,

I am in pain, I am in love.

I feel forsaken, you know like the things I gave away…

[Blood and Fire, The Indigo Girls]

What particularly shook me was the way in which she crooned, “I am in fear. I am in pain. I am in love. I am in fear. I am in pain, I am in love.” 

In that moment, I connected my feelings to this song and understood that this was the state described by the reversed Queen of Cups. And I knew that now I would be able to recognize it in others. A few years later, I would learn the word for it: codependence. 

In this way, I learned to consciously live my tarot cards and use songs and stories to capture these experiences and understand them more deeply.   

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